i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
