dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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