Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
