It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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