I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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