Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
