I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
