he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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