She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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