I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
