Three words: puerto rican gang bang
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
