Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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