My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Shame is for Republicans.
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