Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
