Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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