She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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