It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
