Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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