ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
