Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
