a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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