My cat gives me a boner
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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