I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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