If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
