I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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