I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
