woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
