I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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