How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
