Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
