dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
