I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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