my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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