Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so let's talk penis.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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