the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
