it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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