I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The uberlube is also flammable
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
