just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
