how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
