My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
