i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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