We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Send help, water and tortillas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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