people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
