i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
