Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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