Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
