No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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