Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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