What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
