just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
