I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
