I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
