My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
