SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
