By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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