Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
