I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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