i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
