Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
