You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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