you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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