Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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