Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
