I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.