My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.