I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
