I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize