It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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