I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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