I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
