Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
