Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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