I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
